All posts tagged: Forgiveness

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“Spinning Out” : Not Always Grey

  Having Borderline Personality Disorder absolutely drives me insane. In fact I’m sure that my disorder absolutely drives everyone else crazy too. Right when you start to think you’ve found that happy medium… some sort of balance… well right then is when it seems to fall the hell apart. I think… I’m good and just maybe the madness is finally ending. Except it never ends. It’s okay for a little while. But when it finally starts falling apart again it’s a downward spiral right …back to black. There is not even white. It’s just not always Grey. No matter how much you wish it will be. First I explode once and then the dominoes just start tumbling like the speed of light. But just like it’s not always okay and certainly not always Grey… it’s not always bad either.  No matter how perfect the storm appears to be. So I lost control. What can I do? Try to make it right and do better. And just hope that next time you fall apart it wont …

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“Soul Wrenching” : Forgiving Yourself While Grieving Over Someone Else

What does forgiveness feel like? Sound like? Look like? Do you even know? I know what it’s like to forgive myself and be kind to myself… But what do you when you’ve done that but you still can’t be forgiven by someone else? You don’t stop your progress. You do keep moving. The clock continues ticking. But damn it hurts so much. People change… Have I lost my touch? I’ve learned. But I guess bridges can’t be unburned. The tides can’t be unturned. And they are no longer concerned. It’s like a ghost that only you can see. You’re haunted and taunted by the friendship lost. That part of you is so lonely. You grieve but never completely. It’s because you hope and you pray and you wish for them to come back someday. That’s less than one day to me. Come back to me dear friend as you scream THAT to the sky! The screams become whispers and the whispers… become… nothing. Nothing can ever be done again. But that’s why. They are finished …

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BPD Voices Project: Myself

From the BPD Voices Project: Can I speak about myself. I’m amy wood, since being young I have always been “different”… I always longed for a Dad mum daughter family. But my parents were separated, I consistently was told “your mum did this.. Bla bla bla ” from the age of 8/9 then I asked her being told this by a dad loved dearly about a mum I love dearly too made me conflicted and it understand who to trust. When confronted my mum responded “that’s a load of crap he did this yanno… Bla bla bla” and so on… I then went through a rollercoaster relationship with my dad and it’s resulted in him severly mentally abusing me. I now am scared to listen or believe any thing any one says no matter how close they are. There’s a side to me I don’t recognise, I have so much built up thrustration and have gone down bad paths to manage it. Alcohol from being 12/13 was my best friend. Then it was boys too …

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Ask About BPD: Relationships

One of our page followers asks: “Is it possible for someone with BPD to have a normal relationship? If their partner can’t get what’s inside their mind…“ First of all, I have to say that “normal” is a very subjective word. I am not comfortable using the word here because there really is no such thing as a “normal relationship”. Every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses; it is how you deal with adversities when they happen that governs the health of your relationship. “Normal” vs. “not normal” can also be a judgmental way to view ourselves; the idea that we are “not normal” already plagues many of us. There are healthy relationships, unhealthy relationships and a whole spectrum of relationships in between the two extremes. Some relationships are closer to the “healthy” end and some are closer to the “unhealthy” end. Those of us experiencing BPD symptoms don’t have the market cornered on unhealthy relationships! Relationships can be very tricky to navigate, even if you don’t struggle with regulating your emotions. All any of us can do is strive …

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Ask About BPD: Self-Medicating, Medical Marijuana and Borderline Personality Disorder

Disclaimer: Cannabis, both medical and recreational, is very controversial and illegal in a great deal of the US and world. The views I express here, unless otherwise indicated, are my own. My experience should not be taken as anything but that, my experience and mine alone. It is not an endorsement of cannabis or any other drug. Only you can decide what helps you feel your best. One of our readers asks: “I have a question… why is the only thing that seems to make my son seem half normal is to self-medicate? When he is stoned he seems to manage so well and seems so at peace and able to cope… but as soon as his buzz wears off he is crazy angry again? 😦 It is a lose/lose situation.” This is what the experts have to say on the issue: “…individuals with BPD may turn to psychoactive substances to self-medicate. The self-medication hypothesis is a psychoanalytically informed theory of drug addiction. This means that it includes the emotional and psychological dimensions in viewing …

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Ask About BPD: Splitting and Forgiveness

Ask About BPD – Splitting Dear Ask about BPD, If you’ve been diagnosed with BPD you know what splitting is and how it is something that is prevalent. How do you avoid letting it happen? And once it does, is there anyway to bring yourself around to forgiving the other person? Thank you, Split Dear Split, I can sense your frustration with the feature of splitting, but if you will bear with me a few paragraphs I am going to explain the feature to those who may not know what splitting is or why it happens. Splitting it is where a person divides the world into a polarization of beliefs by focusing selectively on either their negative or positive attributes: black and white, all good or all bad, everything or nothing. Splitting is a very common defense mechanism. It diffuses the anxiety that comes from our innate human inability to comprehend the complexities of a given situation. Splitting compartmentalizes a situation in ways that make it easier for our brains to process. Everyone has something …