All posts tagged: family

sad man sitting on bench outside

Bullying and Discrimination

Although I have often been asked about my attraction to darker literature, films, music and people in general, I have never really given it much thought (in terms of where BPD is concerned). Growing up, I was always a considered a bit “strange” or “weird” by my peers – other kids were reading “Dick and Jane” books, yet as early as the age of 7-8 I was engrossed by Stephen King, Dean Koontz and others. I was engulfing these books at a pretty rapid rate, and instead of using my school library, I would go to the local public library to get my fix (school didn’t cater for me). Horror films started earlier, my parents being the way they were, would let my brother and I watch whatever we liked, alone (or often while they were doing other things around the house). We purchased our first VHS recorder when I was 4-5 years of age, in 1979-1980, and that was a great time for films (horror in general), and some of the first films I …

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Ask About BPD: Self Medication

Ask About BPD: I have a question… why is the only thing that seems to make my son seem half normal to self medicate. When he is stoned he seems to manage so well and seem so at peace and able to cope.. but as soon as his buzz wears off he is crazy angry again ;-( It’s a lose lose situation it seems ….   I’m assuming that the drug in question is marijuana, so I will base my answer on that. Self medicating is not uncommon amongst people suffering from any number of the many varieties of disorders that fall under the depression umbrella, especially those of us living with BPD. Nearly half of those diagnosed with BPD have histories of substance abuse disorder, a shockingly high number, though slightly less surprising when you consider that one of the most common characteristics of BPD is a lack of impulse control.   Why Cannabis: One would seem to be hard-pressed to find a high-strung marijuana user–not to say that they don’t exist (I work …

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BPD Voices: My Mother Stole My Identity

Today’s post is by Scott Michael Heath ***Warning. This post speaks truthfully and honestly about parental abuse and its long term effects on our development and BPD.           My Mother Stole My Identity. An Open Letter to the Woman who Ruined my Life.  People often say they (or someone they know) are “having an identity crisis”. The true meaning of an identity crisis though can mean different things for different people. Usually it means a period of uncertainty and confusion in which a person’s sense of identity becomes insecure, typically due to a change in their expected aims or role in society. BUT… What if you’re me? I have not had a “period” of uncertainty and confusion, it has been a long-standing thing which has been plaguing me since I was born. Sure, I did not have a very good upbringing (to say the least), which could have had something to do with my identity (or lack thereof) being shaped the way it has, but realistically, as you become older, should …

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Ask About BPD: The Drama Triangle

Ask about BPD: Parenting Relationships I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago. I believe my mother also has BPD, but is undiagnosed. We have a really rocky relationship, but my daughter loves her grandmother so much. Do you have any tips on how I can improve my relationship with my mother? I think this is a question we have all asked ourselves at some time or another. For some of us this question applies to our mothers, others to our fathers. I will explore what I’ve come to understand in regards to having a relationship with a parent experiencing BPD. I can list many things that play a part in the complexity of the situation: BPD Parenting Style. If you are unaware of BPD Parenting Styles here is an article that explains them. Emotional Age Maintaining Realistic Expectations Setting Boundaries The list goes on and on, but it does not get to the heart of the situation: The Drama Triangle and its role in dysfunctional families. The Drama Triangle The Drama Triangle was developed by …

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BPD Voices Project: Journey into an Unknown World

For The Voices Project My Journey Into an Unknown World During my high school years, events began to transpire. I used drugs, alcohol, seeked love & affection from boys that liked me, skipped classes and hung out with the wrong crowd which got me in a lot of trouble. I had my car taken away from me and I was placed once in indoor suspension. When my parents found out about the drugs, my mother took me to get evaluated at a place where I would have to stay for a certain period of time. That didn’t happen because the counselor felt all I needed was to see a therapist for my anger and temperament. My mother took me to one, it helped calm me down for the moment. I changed, became more mature, met a guy which my father had hired at our family-owned photography business at that time when I was seventeen. Three years later we got married. I had my two children 3 and 4 years after that and separated 4 years …

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BPD Voices Project: My Story

I have no shame anymore telling people that I have mental illnesses don’t get me wrong I wasn’t always like that. But I believe the only good out of having these illnesses are that I can try help others out of that darkness they are hiding in. Look at me how I present and ask yourself if it can’t happen to you. 3 years ago I was in the ambulance service great job great life great family then one day I found myself on top of a cliff and I jumped missing rocks by feet. From there I went to hospital then was sectioned and that’s when the pain really started a journey I wish no one will ever experience ever. I had no idea what was going on in and out of mental units drugged trying desperately to hang on to life and wondering how this could be happening look at me do I look mental to you ? I got diagnosed with BPD ( border line personality disorder ) psychosis and PTSD ( …

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BPD Voices Project: The End

From the BPD Voices Project **** The following discuses suicide  and the people who are left behind. The End I never thought we would be standing here so soon in our lives. The last time I talked with you, you sounded down but I didn’t know things had gotten this bad. If I had known I would have come sooner. Called more. Told you I loved you. It doesn’t seem so long ago we were working to find a better place for ourselves in this world. You looked like you had it all. I guess things aren’t always what they seem on the outside. I had a dream last night. I was crying in my bed. I was so sad. You were gone. I couldn’t believe you would do this to us! To me! But then I felt a weight on the foot of my bed. You were there! You asked me, “Why are you crying?”. I laughed then said, “don’t you know you are dead? Gone? Shot yourself because you couldn’t handle the world? …

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BPD Voices Project: Myself

From the BPD Voices Project: Can I speak about myself. I’m amy wood, since being young I have always been “different”… I always longed for a Dad mum daughter family. But my parents were separated, I consistently was told “your mum did this.. Bla bla bla ” from the age of 8/9 then I asked her being told this by a dad loved dearly about a mum I love dearly too made me conflicted and it understand who to trust. When confronted my mum responded “that’s a load of crap he did this yanno… Bla bla bla” and so on… I then went through a rollercoaster relationship with my dad and it’s resulted in him severly mentally abusing me. I now am scared to listen or believe any thing any one says no matter how close they are. There’s a side to me I don’t recognise, I have so much built up thrustration and have gone down bad paths to manage it. Alcohol from being 12/13 was my best friend. Then it was boys too …