All posts tagged: Emotional regulation disorder

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What the heck is this Mindfulness I keep hearing about?

Rebloged from: My Journey With BPD by Michael Johnson: What the heck is this Mindfulness I keep hearing about? 12/18/2015  Mindfulness has sort of been the new buzz word in Mental health treatment. Much spawns from DBT therapy which tells us that we are where we are. Mindfulness teaches us to stay in the moment. This practice far out dates the recent attraction to it. Many far east meditation practices incorporate it and have for thousands of years. One of the best coaches ever in basketball was Phil Jackson, AKA “The Zen Master” I recently read an article on ESPN where All NBA player Stephen Curry of the Champion Warriors listed it as the 1st of 4 fundamental beliefs their coach Steve Kerr preaches, who played for Phil Jackson. I practice mindfulness every day. I have to. My brain is designed and developed different from others. It’s not natural for me to be in the moment I am (re) training that part of my brain. I had breakfast with my father yesterday and saw my …


Melanie’s Voice: No Emotional Skin.

I read an article that said people like me, people with BPD, have no emotional skin. I think that’s false. I do have emotional skin, but it’s a lot like my true skin. Some areas are great and others are covered in sores. Some people find these sores and they have a way of picking at them, boring holes in them, making the scares worse, until I can’t take it anymore and I lose it. Outbursts Rage. Silence. Indifference. Did they see it coming? Maybe? Maybe not. But for whatever reason once the reset button is pushed, the I hate you, I love you, don’t leave me cycle is complete, they go right back to the sore and finish where they left off and the wound never gets a chance to heal. If they are around long enough, pick at my weaknesses and faults long enough, the wound will be too deep, and I might never heal.


Melanie’s Voice: What My Hair Taught me about BPD

Hows is hair like BPD? I have curly hair. Most people don’t. Society says people with curly hair are messy, scattered, and untrustworthy. So when I was a child I tried everything to have straight hair: Sleeping with it pulled back tight in a braid. Gels. Mouse. Straightening shampoo. Hot irons. Cemical processing. The products worked, but you could always tell my hair was not quite straight. By the end of the day it would frizz out. The products and heat dried it to a lack luster brown. Then I became a mom. I had no time for anything, let alone caring for my hair, so I let my fro fly free. Wash. Brush. Ponytail. Done. It was long and unruly and I was sick. One day I got tired of it and shaved it off. Short hair was the ultimate wash and go look. But, honestly, I looked like a cancer patient. I guess that’s what I wanted, for everyone to see I was sick and connect it to something they could relate to. I …


Living with BPD: Behind Every Excuse is the Real Reason

Today we are rebloging a post from Love on a Border by Carrissa Wright Tuesday, 5 January 2016 Behind every excuse is the real reason One of the things that I’ve recognised as a differentiator between healthy and unhealthy relationships is the presence of excuses, whether it’s yours and/or theirs. In the worst of situations where you may be denying, rationalising, and minimising, you may even be making excuses for their excuses which only goes to show how poor the original excuse was. Just like how on the other side of a jumped boundary lies disrespect, on the other side of an excuse often not only lies at least some element of disrespect but also the real reason. An excuse is a reason that is given to justify an offence or fault but its primary purpose is to lessen responsibility by getting you to overlook, excuse, or even forgive off the back of it. This of course is rather tricky because when there’s excuses it means that any commitment is being lessened, which means …

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Fundraiser: Simple Coloring for Simple Mindfulness

Hi Everyone! My goal for this year is to establish BPD Pieces of Me as a non-profit organization that offers peer mentoring and life coaching for recovery. To do this I need to raise funds, and have decided to do so by designing a coloring book titled: Simple Coloring for Simple Mindfulness. The book consists of about 60 pages of simple repeating patterns and basic shapes (see samples below.) I designed it as an alternative for those who are overwhelmed by the complexity of most adult coloring books. The format is electronic (PDF you print yourself) and the cost is $10 with all money going to fund BPD POM programs. If you are interested, please email us at


BPD Voices Project: Monique’s Voice

From the BPD Voices Project: I am not sure who I am writing this to. Perhaps myself. Perhaps to you. Perhaps to no one at all. Everyone is moving on. The world is moving on. It turns and turns without me. Spinning on its axis as it has done for billions of years. I am drifting in the wake of my own big bang. I am stranded in time. I’m breathing what was long-ago and merely existing in the future. My body floats above everyone, and my insides hide away in a crevice of the past. I am smiling and hoping for everything to end. I am deleting history. I am handing out the last rose. I am lying in the sun, the white sheet beneath my burning body. I’m searching for someone who can fill the gaps. I find someone and dig a hole. I love someone, I dig deeper. I still love. I miss her in spite of myself. I hate her. I love her. I love and hate everything that she is, …


BPD Voices Project: Monique

From the BPD Voices Project: I polish all the tools and skills I am armed with, to know that the feelings are only visitors. They come and go, even on days where I feel like they’ve made themselves at home and seem ready to move in. ‘They are only here for a short stay’ I whisper into my pillow. Never have anyone tell you your feelings aren’t real. They are as real as the sun rises every morning. Sometimes I am sad for no reason at all, but feeling sad doesn’t mean we will never be happy. Feelings are only feelings. Allow yourself to feel them. I am at peace with this cloak I have draped over my shoulders. I do not question its existence because I could search every corner of the universe and still be no closer to finding an answer. I don’t need an answer but I do need a solution. I have spent many years learning how to tame the beast inside me. Sometimes it’s just the tiniest of actions or …

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BPD Voices Project: When we Meet Again

When we meet again by Melanie Carrillo When we meet again you will say hello I will hear goodbye. When we meet again you will say I look lovely I will hear I have gotten old. When we meet again you will talk for hours about nothing I will pretend every word I hear is deep and profound. When we meet again you will say I love you I will hear I promise to love you for a little while, on my terms, or not at all. When we meet again I will know it is you who have gotten old Know we have become nothing but absent minded words and false love. So I leave saying Until we meet again. When we meet again, you will say it’s been too long I will hear I have changed. When we meet again, you will say how beautiful I am I will hear you see things anew. When we meet again you will ask me to talk for hours about nothing I will hear every response …

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Ask About BPD: The Drama Triangle

Ask about BPD: Parenting Relationships I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago. I believe my mother also has BPD, but is undiagnosed. We have a really rocky relationship, but my daughter loves her grandmother so much. Do you have any tips on how I can improve my relationship with my mother? I think this is a question we have all asked ourselves at some time or another. For some of us this question applies to our mothers, others to our fathers. I will explore what I’ve come to understand in regards to having a relationship with a parent experiencing BPD. I can list many things that play a part in the complexity of the situation: BPD Parenting Style. If you are unaware of BPD Parenting Styles here is an article that explains them. Emotional Age Maintaining Realistic Expectations Setting Boundaries The list goes on and on, but it does not get to the heart of the situation: The Drama Triangle and its role in dysfunctional families. The Drama Triangle The Drama Triangle was developed by …


Ask About BPD: Mental Illness Jokes

“I saw a post on a friend’s Facebook page. She posted a picture about OCD then ‘tagged’ a friend of hers followed by a laughing smiley emoticon. Obviously saying that her ‘friend’ was ‘so OCD!’ It infuriated me! And although I felt offended I didn’t comment. I have never seen this sort of thing actually posted by a friend of mine…but if it was related to a physical illness, surely there would be an outrage?” Mental illness as an adverb used to really infuriate me. This anger would inevitably lead me to post a verbal rant that was so strongly worded it would make anyone take notice. But when one of my outbursts led to the loss of a friend I sat myself down and asked, “Why is this such a trigger?” The answer was simple: When I see these “jokes” I feel invalidated and that others see my struggle as laughable. My struggle is not a joke. It’s real and it’s messed up! I wish we could have these people spend one day in …