All posts tagged: CBT

hair

Melanie’s Voice: What My Hair Taught me about BPD

Hows is hair like BPD? I have curly hair. Most people don’t. Society says people with curly hair are messy, scattered, and untrustworthy. So when I was a child I tried everything to have straight hair: Sleeping with it pulled back tight in a braid. Gels. Mouse. Straightening shampoo. Hot irons. Cemical processing. The products worked, but you could always tell my hair was not quite straight. By the end of the day it would frizz out. The products and heat dried it to a lack luster brown. Then I became a mom. I had no time for anything, let alone caring for my hair, so I let my fro fly free. Wash. Brush. Ponytail. Done. It was long and unruly and I was sick. One day I got tired of it and shaved it off. Short hair was the ultimate wash and go look. But, honestly, I looked like a cancer patient. I guess that’s what I wanted, for everyone to see I was sick and connect it to something they could relate to. I …

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Ask About BPD: The Drama Triangle

Ask about BPD: Parenting Relationships I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago. I believe my mother also has BPD, but is undiagnosed. We have a really rocky relationship, but my daughter loves her grandmother so much. Do you have any tips on how I can improve my relationship with my mother? I think this is a question we have all asked ourselves at some time or another. For some of us this question applies to our mothers, others to our fathers. I will explore what I’ve come to understand in regards to having a relationship with a parent experiencing BPD. I can list many things that play a part in the complexity of the situation: BPD Parenting Style. If you are unaware of BPD Parenting Styles here is an article that explains them. Emotional Age Maintaining Realistic Expectations Setting Boundaries The list goes on and on, but it does not get to the heart of the situation: The Drama Triangle and its role in dysfunctional families. The Drama Triangle The Drama Triangle was developed by …

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Ask About BPD: Mental Illness Jokes

“I saw a post on a friend’s Facebook page. She posted a picture about OCD then ‘tagged’ a friend of hers followed by a laughing smiley emoticon. Obviously saying that her ‘friend’ was ‘so OCD!’ It infuriated me! And although I felt offended I didn’t comment. I have never seen this sort of thing actually posted by a friend of mine…but if it was related to a physical illness, surely there would be an outrage?” Mental illness as an adverb used to really infuriate me. This anger would inevitably lead me to post a verbal rant that was so strongly worded it would make anyone take notice. But when one of my outbursts led to the loss of a friend I sat myself down and asked, “Why is this such a trigger?” The answer was simple: When I see these “jokes” I feel invalidated and that others see my struggle as laughable. My struggle is not a joke. It’s real and it’s messed up! I wish we could have these people spend one day in …

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Ask About BPD: Suicidal Ideation

Today’s question: Hi. I’m struggling to help my partner who has a diagnosis of BPD. He’s expressing suicidal thoughts and he won’t allow me to be there for him, when that’s all I want to do. I was wondering if you could possibly give me any advice on how to help him? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your question. Perhaps one of the most confusing and frightening aspects of BPD is suicidal ideation. BPD is the only personality disorder to have suicidal ideation as a criterion for diagnosis. 70% of us will have at least one serious attempt on our live and 10% of us will be successful. It is important to take all threats seriously, but sometime talk is just talk. A lot of times we really don’t want to die. We want someone to listen and understand. You can do this by validating the pain he is in, validating his thoughts, and reminding him that although all thoughts are valid not all thoughts are real. The most common warning signs …

family

Ask About BPD: Parenting

Does anyone have any advice for being a BPD parent? I’ve only been able to find stories and information from the children of BPD parent not info about ways to help when you have BPD and are raising a child. Thank you for your question. It is a tough one. Not because I don’t know how to answer it, but because the answer is so very complex and so I am going to apologize in advance for the very long article. I will start by saying that having a parent with BPD is both a blessing and a curse. Parents with BPD are known to be loving, involved, self sacrificing, and overall amazing. The trouble comes when a parent has undiagnosed or unmanaged BPD, not from the BPD itself. I am a trifecta of sorts. My mother has undiagnosed BPD, I have diagnosed BPD and my oldest daughter has BPD traits. I knew growing up that I did not want to belike my mother, but I didn’t really understand what that meant. I wanted to …

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Ask About BPD: Relationships

One of our page followers asks: “Is it possible for someone with BPD to have a normal relationship? If their partner can’t get what’s inside their mind…“ First of all, I have to say that “normal” is a very subjective word. I am not comfortable using the word here because there really is no such thing as a “normal relationship”. Every relationship has its strengths and weaknesses; it is how you deal with adversities when they happen that governs the health of your relationship. “Normal” vs. “not normal” can also be a judgmental way to view ourselves; the idea that we are “not normal” already plagues many of us. There are healthy relationships, unhealthy relationships and a whole spectrum of relationships in between the two extremes. Some relationships are closer to the “healthy” end and some are closer to the “unhealthy” end. Those of us experiencing BPD symptoms don’t have the market cornered on unhealthy relationships! Relationships can be very tricky to navigate, even if you don’t struggle with regulating your emotions. All any of us can do is strive …

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Ask About BPD: Blackouts

  Today’s Ask About BPD question is: My son has blackouts very frequently after he has a violent episode. He sometimes doesn’t remember it either. He tells me when he is raging he looses his eyesight and hearing too and sees only black and hears only ringing in his ears. Can you explain this? First, I would like to say thank you for asking a question about this very important, yet rarely spoken of, facet of BPD. There are a few things that occur when we have these types of episodes and your son may be experiencing one or more of the following: Flight or fight response that may be disproportionate to the situation Panic attacks/Panic disorder Episodes of dissociative amnesia. I will explain all three. The Fight or Flight Response. Most people know of this response as our body’s primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to “fight” or “flee”. This response is often caused by feelings of excessive stress either from internal or external circumstance. The fight or flight response bypasses our …