Author: Melanie Janks-Carrillo


BPD Voices: My Mother Stole My Identity

Today’s post is by Scott Michael Heath ***Warning. This post speaks truthfully and honestly about parental abuse and its long term effects on our development and BPD.           My Mother Stole My Identity. An Open Letter to the Woman who Ruined my Life.  People often say they (or someone they know) are “having an identity crisis”. The true meaning of an identity crisis though can mean different things for different people. Usually it means a period of uncertainty and confusion in which a person’s sense of identity becomes insecure, typically due to a change in their expected aims or role in society. BUT… What if you’re me? I have not had a “period” of uncertainty and confusion, it has been a long-standing thing which has been plaguing me since I was born. Sure, I did not have a very good upbringing (to say the least), which could have had something to do with my identity (or lack thereof) being shaped the way it has, but realistically, as you become older, should …

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What the heck is this Mindfulness I keep hearing about?

Rebloged from: My Journey With BPD by Michael Johnson: What the heck is this Mindfulness I keep hearing about? 12/18/2015  Mindfulness has sort of been the new buzz word in Mental health treatment. Much spawns from DBT therapy which tells us that we are where we are. Mindfulness teaches us to stay in the moment. This practice far out dates the recent attraction to it. Many far east meditation practices incorporate it and have for thousands of years. One of the best coaches ever in basketball was Phil Jackson, AKA “The Zen Master” I recently read an article on ESPN where All NBA player Stephen Curry of the Champion Warriors listed it as the 1st of 4 fundamental beliefs their coach Steve Kerr preaches, who played for Phil Jackson. I practice mindfulness every day. I have to. My brain is designed and developed different from others. It’s not natural for me to be in the moment I am (re) training that part of my brain. I had breakfast with my father yesterday and saw my …

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Simple Pages for Simple Mindfulness: Coloring book

We have made a coloring book called: Simple Patterns for Simple Mindfulness. Simple Patterns for Simple Mindfulness is a collection of simple stress free coloring pages anyone and everyone can enjoy. This book is for those who feel that tangle pages are too busy or feel overwhelmed by large and intricate adult themed coloring pages. Simple Patterns for Simple Mindfulness allows you to achieve the relaxation that the hobby of adult coloring has to offer! All proceeds from the sale of this book go to fund programs here at BPD Pieces of Me. Click here for our coloring book


Melanie’s Voice: No Emotional Skin.

I read an article that said people like me, people with BPD, have no emotional skin. I think that’s false. I do have emotional skin, but it’s a lot like my true skin. Some areas are great and others are covered in sores. Some people find these sores and they have a way of picking at them, boring holes in them, making the scares worse, until I can’t take it anymore and I lose it. Outbursts Rage. Silence. Indifference. Did they see it coming? Maybe? Maybe not. But for whatever reason once the reset button is pushed, the I hate you, I love you, don’t leave me cycle is complete, they go right back to the sore and finish where they left off and the wound never gets a chance to heal. If they are around long enough, pick at my weaknesses and faults long enough, the wound will be too deep, and I might never heal.


Melanie’s Voice: What My Hair Taught me about BPD

Hows is hair like BPD? I have curly hair. Most people don’t. Society says people with curly hair are messy, scattered, and untrustworthy. So when I was a child I tried everything to have straight hair: Sleeping with it pulled back tight in a braid. Gels. Mouse. Straightening shampoo. Hot irons. Cemical processing. The products worked, but you could always tell my hair was not quite straight. By the end of the day it would frizz out. The products and heat dried it to a lack luster brown. Then I became a mom. I had no time for anything, let alone caring for my hair, so I let my fro fly free. Wash. Brush. Ponytail. Done. It was long and unruly and I was sick. One day I got tired of it and shaved it off. Short hair was the ultimate wash and go look. But, honestly, I looked like a cancer patient. I guess that’s what I wanted, for everyone to see I was sick and connect it to something they could relate to. I …


Living with BPD: Behind Every Excuse is the Real Reason

Today we are rebloging a post from Love on a Border by Carrissa Wright Tuesday, 5 January 2016 Behind every excuse is the real reason One of the things that I’ve recognised as a differentiator between healthy and unhealthy relationships is the presence of excuses, whether it’s yours and/or theirs. In the worst of situations where you may be denying, rationalising, and minimising, you may even be making excuses for their excuses which only goes to show how poor the original excuse was. Just like how on the other side of a jumped boundary lies disrespect, on the other side of an excuse often not only lies at least some element of disrespect but also the real reason. An excuse is a reason that is given to justify an offence or fault but its primary purpose is to lessen responsibility by getting you to overlook, excuse, or even forgive off the back of it. This of course is rather tricky because when there’s excuses it means that any commitment is being lessened, which means …

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Fundraiser: Simple Coloring for Simple Mindfulness

Hi Everyone! My goal for this year is to establish BPD Pieces of Me as a non-profit organization that offers peer mentoring and life coaching for recovery. To do this I need to raise funds, and have decided to do so by designing a coloring book titled: Simple Coloring for Simple Mindfulness. The book consists of about 60 pages of simple repeating patterns and basic shapes (see samples below.) I designed it as an alternative for those who are overwhelmed by the complexity of most adult coloring books. The format is electronic (PDF you print yourself) and the cost is $10 with all money going to fund BPD POM programs. If you are interested, please email us at

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BPD Voices Project: When we Meet Again

When we meet again by Melanie Carrillo When we meet again you will say hello I will hear goodbye. When we meet again you will say I look lovely I will hear I have gotten old. When we meet again you will talk for hours about nothing I will pretend every word I hear is deep and profound. When we meet again you will say I love you I will hear I promise to love you for a little while, on my terms, or not at all. When we meet again I will know it is you who have gotten old Know we have become nothing but absent minded words and false love. So I leave saying Until we meet again. When we meet again, you will say it’s been too long I will hear I have changed. When we meet again, you will say how beautiful I am I will hear you see things anew. When we meet again you will ask me to talk for hours about nothing I will hear every response …

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Ask About BPD: The Drama Triangle

Ask about BPD: Parenting Relationships I was diagnosed with BPD about a year ago. I believe my mother also has BPD, but is undiagnosed. We have a really rocky relationship, but my daughter loves her grandmother so much. Do you have any tips on how I can improve my relationship with my mother? I think this is a question we have all asked ourselves at some time or another. For some of us this question applies to our mothers, others to our fathers. I will explore what I’ve come to understand in regards to having a relationship with a parent experiencing BPD. I can list many things that play a part in the complexity of the situation: BPD Parenting Style. If you are unaware of BPD Parenting Styles here is an article that explains them. Emotional Age Maintaining Realistic Expectations Setting Boundaries The list goes on and on, but it does not get to the heart of the situation: The Drama Triangle and its role in dysfunctional families. The Drama Triangle The Drama Triangle was developed by …


Living with BPD: Setting Personal Boundaries Part 1

Living with BPD: Setting Personal Boundaries Part 1 Setting personal boundaries can be very difficult and frightening. Our fear of abandonment makes us not want to offend anyone. Our inner voice calls us names and makes us question our motives. We can feel like setting boundaries is a symptom of the pushing and pulling that comes with experiencing BPD. Sometime it feels like it is easier to say yes than deal with the internal consequences of saying no. Or is it? Although we are often stereotyped by our outbursts, what people don’t see is what is happening inside. We want to please others. We want to feel connected, loved. In an effort to be everything others want us to be we live a life without boundaries. Weak boundaries leave us likely to be taken advantage of, and/or even damaged by others. Setting clear personal boundaries is necessary to have mutually respectful, supportive and caring relationships. They set the limits for what you deem acceptable behavior from those around you. “You change for two reasons: Either …