It is that time of the year again when summer has all but gone and the autumn leaves find their way to the ground. Time doesn’t stand still for me to say a definitive goodbye but then I was never any good at farewells. As new people enter my life, my trust remains my property only and I learn quickly that my investment in people can’t be matched by the offer of soaring highs and fleeting fires that pass by in such haste that they hardly warm my skin. I have stopped making promises I can’t keep and I expect no promises in return. I can’t shake this feeling that somehow I’m a bad person and a terrible human being. Nobody told me that happiness was mythical. I might stay here awhile and continue cutting the ropes. Continue breaking the ties and inadvertently burning the bridges that I’ve struggled so long to keep upright, and for all the wrong reasons. I stand quietly on my side of the world and watch the foundations crumble. The rotting timber can no longer stay afloat and piece by piece it’s swept away by the muddy current while I look in the other direction. I was never any good at farewells.
(painting by Saadah Kent)