Melanie's Voice
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Melanie’s Voice: What My Hair Taught me about BPD

Hows is hair like BPD?

I have curly hair. Most people don’t. Society says people with curly hair are messy, scattered, and untrustworthy. So when I was a child I tried everything to have straight hair: Sleeping with it pulled back tight in a braid. Gels. Mouse. Straightening shampoo. Hot irons. Cemical processing. The products worked, but you could always tell my hair was not quite straight. By the end of the day it would frizz out. The products and heat dried it to a lack luster brown.

Then I became a mom. I had no time for anything, let alone caring for my hair, so I let my fro fly free. Wash. Brush. Ponytail. Done. It was long and unruly and I was sick. One day I got tired of it and shaved it off.

Short hair was the ultimate wash and go look. But, honestly, I looked like a cancer patient. I guess that’s what I wanted, for everyone to see I was sick and connect it to something they could relate to.

I am a woman. I want to be pretty. I want people to find me attractive, and dare I say it, sexy. I, as shaved head girl, was none of those things. Lucky for me my hair grows quick. Small curls were beginning to form and I had to make a decision, go straight or go curly.

What the hell, curly.

Honestly at first it wasn’t much different from straight. Shampoos, gels, and mousses lined my bathroom. Controlling my hair was trial and error at its best. Then I found a product that made my hair less frizzy. Good start. Then I found one that helped the curls form without being crunchy. Last, I bought an expensive hair dryer with curl diffuser. And volia, beautiful, soft, and natural curls.

How is this like BPD?

You see I tried living my life the way society told me to. Tried the products and tools that they said would work to make me normal, and I was a mess. I tried to go natural, not caring about me, and I was a mess. But when I worked with my natural traits, not against them, obtained the right tools and products in medication and therapy I became soft and beautiful.

We can’t change our traits, we can only work with them in a relationship of respect and honesty. I know many people want us to not be on medication, live as our natural selves, be normal, but all that causes is for me is to be a mess.

Having the right tools and medications allows us to work with our traits. Refine them. Soften them. Make us feel good about ourselves, and when we feel good about ourselves we feel good about life and are happy.

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