Year: 2016

Christmas with BPD

A Word of warning – if you’re feeling at all dapper or cheerful about 2016’s upcoming Christmas, most likely not a good idea for you to continue any further…   Christmas’s have always been a very bad time for me. I was never “allowed” to have them as a kid, and I have grown up not celebrating those or Birthdays (birthdays were also a forbidden thing). With every coming Xmas, it seems my insides begin to turn even more than the previous one, with the oncoming explosion of ridiculous festivities, “family get-together” and everything else that encompasses the “stupid season”. For someone like myself who identifies Christmas and Birthdays with trauma, bad times and loneliness, it’s upsetting and triggering to see so many people “faking” it every year just for the sake of the family or friends that they feel they need to impress in order to fit in. Growing up, Christmas was something I dreaded every fucking year, it made me feel sick and empty inside every year – sometimes weeks prior to it …

A Follower’s Experience with ECT.

This was written by our follower Elaine. She wanted to share her experience with Electro Convulsive Therapy or ECT. Her hope was to shed light on this highly controversial topic.  I’ll start off with a little bit about myself. I’m a 25 year old female. I have been through many different diagnoses since I was in 7th grade. I hear a voice in my head; I used to hear dozens. I’ll admit, the only things I knew of ECT (Electroconvulsion Therapy) were what I’ve seen in the movie One Flew Over the Coo-Coo’s Nest. Just so you know, it’s nothing like that. I was being treated with many different anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. Nothing seemed to be helping me. I was thinking about suicide frequently. I looked up ECT on the Internet and it seemed promising. I asked my doctor if he thinks it would help me. He sent me to a doctor across town to see if I was a good candidate for ECT. After meeting with the nurse, we scheduled my first session. …

“SURVIVE”

  September is Suicide Awareness Month. And today marks 15 years since my first suicide attempt. The irony huh? I went on to try about 10 more times after that. I even tried about 4 months back. But no-one knows. People think we just want attention. But if that’s the case then how come no-one knew about half of my attempts until now? I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want attention. I just wanted out. What kind of pain have you experienced? Have you ever wanted to kill it with other pain? I have. So many times. Sometimes with a razor blade… sometimes with a bottle… sometimes with a pipe… so many different ways to try to make it all go away but in the end the only way to make it go away is to face it head on. And that’s what I do everyday. I get up and face it. Sometimes just by getting out of bed. Others by going and taking a walk. Most days just by being kind to …

I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me

I’ve had a person from my past recently attempt to make contact with me again. My mind instantly jumps to the usual thoughts: “They’re poison. They’re subhuman trash. They have nothing to contribute to society. They’re completely worthless.” This person, my ex-companion, wronged me so they shall forever live in my mind as a sort of gollum: repulsive, ugly, and banished from living in the sunshine of my mind. It’s not that I think in extremes, this person deserves that label. They caused me pain. A decent person would never, EVER have done anything to cause me pain. Good people don’t do that. This person is clearly no good. Every good deed, gentle word, tender moment together, they were all part of a masterfully crafted ruse to disguise their inner ugliness. Shrewd devil, I saw right through you. And yet, somehow I feel inferior to the non-accomplishing zero that seems to have replaced me. I can’t not be the best. I can’t just be ‘superior to them in so many ways’. I have to be …

Just let me write

I haven’t written in a while. I’m not sure if this is something I should be apologising for. Part of me feels that I should, as I am sorry for most of the things that I do, or in this case didn’t do. The other part of me feels as though it doesn’t matter if I apologise or not because nobody actually cares. My apology will float away and get sucked up in some black vacuum as though it never existed in the first place. A few months ago someone lashed out at a piece of writing I had published. As much as I tried to understand their reaction and their perspective and why they wrote what they did, it didn’t hurt any less and I allowed them to make me question myself and whether or not I had the right to feel the things that I feel, let alone write about them. I write so other people can feel less alone because I know how terrible it is to feel lonely. I write so …

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

DBT stands for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Its core components are emotion regulation, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. It’s part of the 3rd Generation of Behavioral Therapy and was developed by Marcia Linehan and her colleagues. It was originally developed for people with BPD who are chronically suicidal. Studies found that people who participated in DBT were less likely to drop out of treatment, had fewer hospitalizations, and better treatment outcomes overall. It has been adapted for children, adolescents, couples or as a tool for anyone who needs a little help with emotion regulation (including but not limited to substance use disorders, impulse control disorders, anxiety and mood disorders, and other personality disorders.) DBT focuses on a biopsychosocial (bio- biological components; psycho- psychological components; social- sociological components) model of disorders. It uses dialects or opposing points to develop a broader perspective on problems, helps with learning to see the other side of problems (known as the dialectical pole), helps consider more options as a result, and helps a person get “unstuck.” DBT therapists work hard to …

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

​CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It was developed shortly after Behavioral Therapy and emphasizes cognitions (thoughts) over behaviors but combines both in a symbiotic way. It’s not one specific approach but a model that is ever-changing to fit the needs of each person’s disorder. All techniques share a common belief that thoughts (instead of external circumstances) cause feelings and behaviors. CBT is brief and time limited. It recognizes the importance of a strong therapeutic relationship. It is structured and directive. It relies on psychoeducation, Socratic questioning, and the inductive method. It’s not intended to tell people how to think, act, or feel but to help their thoughts, actions, and behaviors become helpful to them and consistent with reality. Homework is an essential part of the process and is used to help people make progress between sessions. There are a large number of different CBT models that can be blended together to fit a person’s needs. All techniques include cognitive restructuring as developed by the founding fathers of Behavioral Therapy (Ellis and Beck.) An example …