Mary's Voice
Leave a Comment

“Fighting Yourself” : Finding Yourself

images

10641222_10153311814220240_8068508927198490835_n

All the things that we project inside and outside of our mind matter. What we say… what we feel… what we think… what we do. It all matters. Go outside and tell me what color the sky is. Mine is purple with tints of blue and orange with a beautiful sun rising. Would I feel this way if I weren’t in a good mood? Would it then be black… with tints of white? Today I feel great watching the sun rise. …But when I am not feeling so cheery, the sun would be too bright and I would want to go back inside. I slept well, and today I feel productive. Today… that is what matters. I try not to think too hard about yesterday and tomorrow is already today. This moment is what matters.

I used to dread waking up. Dealing with the world and all of its non-beauty. Dealing with myself. Then I started learning that I am just not alone in all of this madness. Others feel defeated. Others want to scream and shout. Others bleed too. And not everyone loves people at all. So if you feel this way, please know you are not alone. But also know, you mustn’t give up.

I know it is a battle that feels it can’t be won but that’s just not true. It is a daily battle. Not just one big one. Some days you will win and some days you will not. And some days feel like they will never end, but they do. And when you feel like you want to throw up a white flag is when you must fight the hardest because it is after that moment, that the battle is over. It is in that moment when you realize you have won. Just wear your armor proudly and fight. But remember that when you look in the mirror, your most worthy opponent, is you.

Be kind to yourself. You are worthy and you matter.

images (3)

This entry was posted in: Mary's Voice

by

I am a writer. I am an artist. I love people. And understanding human behavior has become a hobby. It becomes imperative when you're trying to understand your own. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. To me, it means many things. On some days it means the most extraordinary imagination one could have. On other days it means it is the absolute end of the world when that vision gets distorted and dismissed. Sometimes I feel like it is the best part of me and sometimes I feel like I wish I had never been born. Some days it is pure black and some days pure light. I have a daily battle to find my Grey; my middle ground. It is not just a diagnosis. It's a state of mind. But this is not all that I am. I am still discovering myself one wonder at a time.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s