Month: May 2015

BPD Voices Project: My Story

I have no shame anymore telling people that I have mental illnesses don’t get me wrong I wasn’t always like that. But I believe the only good out of having these illnesses are that I can try help others out of that darkness they are hiding in. Look at me how I present and ask yourself if it can’t happen to you. 3 years ago I was in the ambulance service great job great life great family then one day I found myself on top of a cliff and I jumped missing rocks by feet. From there I went to hospital then was sectioned and that’s when the pain really started a journey I wish no one will ever experience ever. I had no idea what was going on in and out of mental units drugged trying desperately to hang on to life and wondering how this could be happening look at me do I look mental to you ? I got diagnosed with BPD ( border line personality disorder ) psychosis and PTSD ( …

BPD Voices Project: Just Get Over It.

I am 35 and I am sick. My head hurts, my body hurts, I can’t eat most days and would do almost anything for a good nights sleep. I used to see my father and grandfather walking like old Jews and would laugh, now I have to laugh at the fact that I too walk like an old Jew. I have a medicine cabinets a small shop in Mexico would die for. It has everything I need to make “make me well,” but the side effects make me ill. What I have is not making me die any quicker than I already am. I have BPD with depression, and anxiety, and chronic pain caused by fibromyalgia and a mysterious disease. But people do die from my dis-ease, it’s called suicide, and we even have survivors. I am going to be a survivor! Even though I have vowed to myself this is something I will die with, and not of, doesn’t mean I can just get over it. I can’t say, “well this was fun lets …

BPD Voices Project: Inside of a Vortex

“Inside Of A Vortex” : Fighting For The Beauty Within I just wake up every morning wondering what the next downfall will be. It’s not an ideal way to live but it’s certainly how I live. I’m always trying to prepare for the next disaster- within myself and around others. I’m so positive all the time but really I am just a paradox built around fear. I go to bed every night just praying that one day I will awaken to a different life, a better life. Until then I weigh upon my shoulders my own emotions that once controlled me. They are always with me that is for sure. But the intellect inside of me will not be suppressed by these emotions all the time anymore. It’s like maintaining a double life sometimes. You have the life you lead by the example you make but then you have the life inside of you that no-one else can take. No-one else can understand. If they did try to understand they would probably end up questioning …

Ask About BPD: Suicidal Ideation

Today’s question: Hi. I’m struggling to help my partner who has a diagnosis of BPD. He’s expressing suicidal thoughts and he won’t allow me to be there for him, when that’s all I want to do. I was wondering if you could possibly give me any advice on how to help him? It would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your question. Perhaps one of the most confusing and frightening aspects of BPD is suicidal ideation. BPD is the only personality disorder to have suicidal ideation as a criterion for diagnosis. 70% of us will have at least one serious attempt on our live and 10% of us will be successful. It is important to take all threats seriously, but sometime talk is just talk. A lot of times we really don’t want to die. We want someone to listen and understand. You can do this by validating the pain he is in, validating his thoughts, and reminding him that although all thoughts are valid not all thoughts are real. The most common warning signs …

BPD Voices Project: Letter Sent

From the BPD Voices Project. Below is a letter that one of our followers sent to her government official expressing her story and explaining why medical cannabis should be seen as a viable and legal option for those who experience BPD. Dear Sir/Madam I have suffered from bpd for over 10 years, probably since adolescence at 15. I am 27 years young now and still suffering. I know that there is a way that cannabinoids can treat bpd and probably other mental illnesses too. I have smoked cannabis on and off for a long time, due to the fact that it calms me when I am in an episode and makes me a completely normal person. The only problem being is, with it being illegal, I never get the same strain twice and dont have any control over how much cbd and thc I am consuming. Too much thc is ok when I smoke it, but can make my symptoms worse in the long run. I have spent my entire life on and off every single …

BPD Voices Project: The End

From the BPD Voices Project **** The following discuses suicide  and the people who are left behind. The End I never thought we would be standing here so soon in our lives. The last time I talked with you, you sounded down but I didn’t know things had gotten this bad. If I had known I would have come sooner. Called more. Told you I loved you. It doesn’t seem so long ago we were working to find a better place for ourselves in this world. You looked like you had it all. I guess things aren’t always what they seem on the outside. I had a dream last night. I was crying in my bed. I was so sad. You were gone. I couldn’t believe you would do this to us! To me! But then I felt a weight on the foot of my bed. You were there! You asked me, “Why are you crying?”. I laughed then said, “don’t you know you are dead? Gone? Shot yourself because you couldn’t handle the world? …

BPD Voices Project: My Semicolon Project

After doing the project semicolon on April 16th for the past two years I decided I wanted a permanent one, but I wanted one as original as I am. I chose to go with a purple semi colon and to have the phrase done in Italian. The first word is Gypsy (which is my nickname that has carried over from childhood) and the bottom phrase translates to it’s not over. An amazing blessing occurred at the tattoo studio. Instead of my regular guy doing the tattoo he asked if I would let an intern do it, and I agreed. The intern was a young lady and as we were discussing the meaning behind my tattoo she shared with me that she had self harmed as a teenager. Having someone who has fought that which I still fight made this an even more important tattoo. There is strength in our voices. I hope you don’t mind but I wanted to share this story with your page since BPD Pieces of Me was part of what inspired …

BPD Voices Project: Myself

From the BPD Voices Project: Can I speak about myself. I’m amy wood, since being young I have always been “different”… I always longed for a Dad mum daughter family. But my parents were separated, I consistently was told “your mum did this.. Bla bla bla ” from the age of 8/9 then I asked her being told this by a dad loved dearly about a mum I love dearly too made me conflicted and it understand who to trust. When confronted my mum responded “that’s a load of crap he did this yanno… Bla bla bla” and so on… I then went through a rollercoaster relationship with my dad and it’s resulted in him severly mentally abusing me. I now am scared to listen or believe any thing any one says no matter how close they are. There’s a side to me I don’t recognise, I have so much built up thrustration and have gone down bad paths to manage it. Alcohol from being 12/13 was my best friend. Then it was boys too …

BPD Voices Project: Open Letter to those I love

Letter to my friends, loved ones, fellow artists, fans, and anyone who has ever cared for me, Sometimes I wish I could open up to people. I wish I wasn’t such a private person, that I didn’t have 5 million more thoughts than I voice. I wish that it wasn’t exhausting for me just thinking about all the people who care for me, who possibly feel that I neglect them, or worry because they’re never in the loop. I do think about you all, you occur to me, as selfish as I may seem at times. Sometimes I may even be unreliable. Interpersonal relationships are such a double-edged sword for me. I want your love and support, but I fear your judgement and at times the dialogues I project in my head are so exhausting they leave me unable to speak, sometimes for fear of how you may judge me, sometimes for fear that you may love me and I will disappoint you. This is the nature of my mind. These are my everyday thought …