Today’s Ask About BPD question is being answered by Lora.
One of our questions was about boundaries – how do we set them?
‘How can you tell people you need a couple of days to yourself without them feeling all offended. I mean like I don’t want to text talk hangout nothing. I am a true introvert and sometimes when emotions are really intense I need a couple days to shut off and recharge. But people don’t get it. Tips or advice?’
Setting boundaries is an issue that any kind of person can have- not just people with mental health conditions. Most of the articles I found concerning BPD and boundaries focused on setting boundaries with a BPDer- but we aren’t always the issue!
So instead of focusing on our condition- I thought about the question itself- how can we set a boundary without upsetting someone?
I’ve found a GREAT article that I hope you will enjoy, because it’s advice for everyone. Just because of our label, doesn’t mean that our problems and dilemmas are much different than anyone else’s right??!
My personal tip? WRITE IT DOWN.
The best advice I’ve ever been given is that anytime you want to get a message across to someone without emotions getting in the way, put it in writing. It’s in black and white, it cannot be misinterpreted (if written clearly) and it avoids the dreaded confrontation. It’s just easier to explain your feelings especially if you aren’t good with your words.
Please remember though; when our emotions spike, our friends and loved ones worry, so it’s important to set their minds at ease about WHY you need your time out!